Eternal Dark
by ellisbell1918
Summary: Picks up from Edward's POV where Rosalie's call lets off in New Moon, and goes from there, but stays true to the actual storyline of the book, I promise. this is my first fanfic, so be gentle, and always RxR if possible! It really helps! ExB
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following.

This is picking up from Edward's POV, starting with the call Rosalie makes to him, telling him of Bella's supposed death.

Chapter 1

The world had long ago lost meaning to me, and I had lost Victoria. I had failed my Bella, once again.

_Failed. Once again._

Those three words were like ice to my already deathly chilled body. I could never save her, the girl I so desperately loved and clung to for sanity. I didn't want to give up—how could I? Yet, the possibility that Victoria was already in Forks held me stuck to the wall. I was too far away, and Bella could never be mine if that were true.

I watched a rat pick its way through a pile of poison in the cobwebbed corner, but saw nothing. Dust coated my shoes, and chills racked my frozen heart, no matter the heat. Loud, boisterous Flamingo rolled through the heat in the attic, and I pressed my head back against the wooden boards. This existence, I couldn't take it anymore. I _needed_ her. I needed to see her bottomless eyes, and know I was always wanted; wished that I could touch her face, just one more time, and feel the soft blush beneath my fingers. I pictured her face in my mind—so perfectly wonderful—and thought of how she would glow when I came back. The image was so beautiful, so filled with relief, that I thought my heart would beat again just at the sight.

What if I called her home? I just needed to hear her voice, and hear the longing behind it. I didn't care anymore if Victoria was already there. I would go back. There wasn't a question anymore; it was a matter of when. I was happy to grovel, just spending my existence on my knees, if I were with her, would be enough. There would be no doubt of our love in my voice, my eyes.

My phone buzzed to life, echoing my thoughts, the screen lighting through my pocket. It was the twenty-fifth time in the past day. I pulled it out, and flipped it open—it was Rosalie.

"Edward—".

It snapped shut in my palm. She was probably liking life with me gone, wanting to rub her perfections in my face, again. I went back to picturing my Bella, the face of an angel, whispering me home. She smiled, and—.

My phone was buzzing in my pocket. I checked the display, Rosalie. Sighing, I opened it.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honored."

I closed my phone, and set it on the floor. I knew in the instant she said something, she was merely calling to annoy. Of course it vibrated noisily against the wood. She probably would keep calling until I answered, so I might as well get it over with.

"Get on with it."

The words came out garbled through the receiver. "I thought you might want to know that Alice is in Forks."

I stiffened and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"What?" My voice was flat, hiding the anger that was starting to bubble inside.

"You know how Alice is—thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie muttered, but there was an edge to her voice, like she didn't know how to proceed.

But my rage blurred Rosalie's problem into a dark nothingness.

Alice was in Forks, and she had sworn otherwise. She said she knew I would always fold to the pain, my will would crumble, and I would go back. Yet, I was still here, wasn't I? No matter my previous thoughts, I hadn't decided to return yet. She couldn't have seen that. I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose tensely.

No. Dammit, no.

I shut the image of Bella's open window into the corner of my mind, no matter how tempting its call was. I shut her eyes, her blush, and her endearing clumsiness away with it. No, no, no. Bella was better without me, I always knew that. My love cowered against what was right, and shrank, but was always still there. No.

"Are you still there Edward?"

Bella was too good for me. I never deserved her.

I played the words over in my mind, gluing them to the walls like a motto. She was always too good for a monster.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie suddenly became surer of why she had called and chuckled through the phone, becoming herself again. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter."

I opened my eyes and my head fell against my knees, the breath whooshing out of me. Bella had left. Bella wasn't there anymore. Life was a lie. I selfishly wanted her there, to know that she was safe in the green cage. I supposed she had gone to Florida after all, knowing that Forks no longer held anything. She had ventured to the sunshine, where I never could go with her in life. I wanted her in Forks, no matter what it might cost me.

My instincts told me to breathe, and I couldn't.

Rosalie cleared her throat on the other end. "So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why bother me Rosalie? Why waste time calling me?"

"Wait!" She cried, knowing that I was about to end the conversation. "That's not why I called!"

"Then _why_? Tell me now, and then don't call again" I growled.

"Well...um..." her voice caught with anxiety.

"Rosalie, you have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie spluttered. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about someone besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie."

"I _am_ thinking of someone else, unlike you. Think about how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I sat silently.

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie." I muttered patiently. "Just because Bella"—her name went like a dagger through my throat—"has moved to Florida doesn't mean that I'm able to...Look, Rosalie. I'm really sorry, but, trust me. It wouldn't make you any happier if I were there."

"Erm..." she paused—nervous again.

"What is it you're not telling me Rosalie? Is Esme alright? Is Carlisle—"

"They're fine. It's just that...well, I didn't say Bella _moved_."

I didn't say anything, but replayed the conversation in my head. Yes, she had said that Bella had moved. Hadn't she? "_You only warned us to stay away from Bella, right?_" she had said. "_The rest of Forks doesn't matter_." Bella wasn't in Forks. What did that mean?

Then she was stuttering and garbling her words again, almost madly.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things and go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind was hanging off its hinges. Nothing was making sense, like it was some foreign tongue. I formed the words over and over again, searching in the meanings, placing them together like puzzle pieces. It wasn't right.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

She stopped for a moment, for the space of a couple of heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

She paused a moment longer.

"I'm...sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think...Bella threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything for her. I think she would have helped, broken her word, if there was any time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how kind she's always been to him—"

The phone died. It took me a second to notice that I'd killed it.

I closed my eyes and slumped into the corner for an eternity. My clock had stopped, and the world's had been destroyed; nothing mattered anymore. My universe had died with love.

With exaggerated care, I picked up the phone, and slowly dialed the number I had promised I would never dial again.

If it was her, I would hang up and live. If it was her father, I would find a way to get my information, and prove Rosalie wrong. Because she couldn't be right. Bella had promised.

"Swan residence." Answered an unknown voice. It was deep and husky, yet retained its youth.

I didn't think about that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father. "May I speak to Chief Swan?"

"He's not here." It came out like a snarl, thick with anger.

"Well, where is he then?" I needed to know. _Now_.

There was a long pause, like this boy didn't want to tell me.

"He's at the funeral."

The phone closed and dropped to the ground.

Life meant nothing, the reasoning was gone. My eyes closed, and my breath hitched, and stopped; I wished for the comforting grasp of suffocation. Wanting an escape from this black night, for that's what life had become—an eternal darkness. No soul was worth what I had gone through, and no heart deserved this pain. Demons clawed themselves out of my chest, and broke into my mind, clouding my memories, my sanity. The heart that I had so hoped would start beating again for her shrank to dust, and scattered itself in the depths of Hades.

_She had promised_.

The words flew through my head like a burning scrap of parchment, like a warrant for death. What did a promise mean? Surely, if I could break one, so important and so meaningful, then she could break the one that held my heart together as I had broken hers. I was Romeo now; the man whom I had so thoughtlessly scoffed at was my doom. _These violent delights have violent ends_...never was a phrase truer in life. Hadn't I once told her I couldn't live without her? Did Bella never question me, my deceit, and my love? She must have known how I felt when I spoke the words that ended it all. I thought of the day back in the forest; _I don't want you to come with me_. I saw her eyes, and I saw in them that she had believed me. How could she? With the thousands of times I told her I loved her, how could she let one sentence cancel them all?

My meteor was gone, so why wasn't the sky black? I couldn't endure more, and it was inevitable that there would come a time when she wouldn't be able to either. I didn't foresee it being so soon. Love, life, meaning...over. It had to end now.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following.

Sorry for taking so long! I've been really busy, and this chapter is _really_ short, but I hope it suffices for the time being! RxR please—it always helps! Thanks for the reviews last time guys, it was nice to know that the story was actually worth something! I'll update a new chapter when I can!

Chapter 2

I was wandering—a very lost soul, old, used and destroyed. There was no sense of direction, no elusive pull anywhere. All I could do was wander, absolutely despise myself with every step, and contemplate contingency plans not for the first time in my life. Aged and withered, I went no where, and saw nothing. Her face crept into my mind at every turn, and burned through my heart like a fresh fire. There was no escape, no reason anywhere anymore.

Stuck in eternal purgatory and indecisive, the minutes became years and the days I took one eternity at a time. I still was unsure how to proceed...how to plan my death. From the sheer amount of loathing I felt for myself and the nagging need for this belated end, I thought that it would have been easier—it wasn't. I knew of Carlisle's struggles to end himself, and I started there. I recalled his study, the pictures, and his story.

_Bella._

Suddenly, she was there; smiling, blushing, my arm around her fragile waist. I felt human, like a human being hit with a battering ram over and over again. My legs buckled and I collapsed against the wet brick behind me. There was no air, and there was no life again.

"_He tried to drown himself in the ocean...but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist...feeding...while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation."_

"_Is that possible?" _

Her face looked so in pain I wanted to hold her...to reach out and tell her everything would be alright, and that I was still here...

"_No, there are very few ways we can be killed."_

And then she was gone, lying at the bottom of an ocean...pale as death...

_No!_

I breathed through my nose, trembling, and tried to remember the rest of that day. What had I told her? There must have been something in there that could help me now. My mind scaled through the paintings again...the story....

"_He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."_

Italy...

"_Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods—Aro, Marcus, and Caius. Nighttime patrons of the arts."_

"_What happened to them?" _

"_They're still there."_

Bella smiled behind my lids.

_Of course._

Of course! The Volturi...I would go to the Volturi; the idea seemed childishly obvious now. They would be glad to kill me, in effect, ridding the world of one more monster. All I had to do was ask—I was dangerous enough as it is, nothing to lose but life, a deep hatred rooted in myself already...yes, they would comply.

Deep relief spread through my body—I would be with her in at the most two days. Welcome to join her in the afterlife, if she would still have me. My lungs became whole again, and I got up steadily, opening my eyes. The world already felt lighter, as if it were awaiting my leave; happy to be rid of the likes of me. I inhaled, and closed my eyes once more. Bella beckoned me forward with a tiny, beguiling hand.

_Soon enough, love._


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long to update _again_! I've been so, so busy! But I'll upload Chapter 4 ASAP. Please, RxR...I like to hear your thoughts on the story, and things good and bad about it! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own the following.

Chapter 3

The Italian landscape stretched before me, washed in pale moonlight. There was only a sliver tonight...dark and foreboding, a new moon. I shivered, though I felt no cold. It seemed ironic now, a new chapter to life, and new beginning, if that's how I were to look at this. The clouds passed over the sky, and I ran with all my strength to the gates of Volterra.

What was once a happy, golden city was now cold and deadly, welcoming me with open, creaking arms. My soft tread made no noise throughout the desolate streets; I went quieter than the breeze that disturbed the chilled night. There was no easy way to do this; the only thing I could consider was simple improvisation. A question here, small bits of reasoning there—they just couldn't know why. If they knew what...Bella...had been to me, what she had known, my life would not be the only one to forfeit.

Silvery beams of night streamed through the cracked walls, but the beauty was wasted...all was lost. Still, I ran to the one thing that would give me solace—death. I was almost there, one barren alley or two to go, and I would be free of this...this madness that my existence had become. I went as fast as allowed, searching for death's comforting arms.

Wrought iron gates leading to them appeared as though they were mist, blending in with the night; how appropriate. My body froze, and became wary. I suddenly was unsure of myself, remembering how it had pained her to be forced even with a notion of my death. Should I still cause her pain like this when she was safely out of my grasp? My mouth turned down in a rueful grimace. A small voice in my head let out a humorless chuckle.

_She's not safe. She's dead._

I reached for the gate and thrust it open, already running through the doors when it shut behind me.

Bella beamed angelically behind my lids.

I turned down hall after hall, ignoring the pleasantly displayed artwork, the scents, and all other distractions easily put out of my mind. My mind raced through my reasons, my argument. There was no doubt in me now, no scraps of masochism remaining. This suffering would be over, and then I could go with her into life after death, if I was allowed there. The world glared at me balefully through the windows, waiting for my departure.

And then there was light.

Skidding to stop, I looked around. I was in some sort of lobby, bedecked to the hilt in amiable, plush décor. I frowned and started forward again.

"Hello! How may I help you Signor...?"

I looked up, and attempted to appear humane.

Sitting at a desk was a human. Pretty, I suppose, with a heavy Italian accent. But she was a human.

"Signor?"

I blinked.

"I'm sorry. I must be in the wrong place." My voice cracked, and came out in a rush. I didn't sound sorry—I sounded like a man who had seen too much of what the world could do.

Hastening toward the elevator, I growled a stream of profanities under my breath, clenching my hands. I growled quietly.

_What now? Wrong place...wrong place...wrong place._

Footsteps ringing with authority echoed through the corridor, and someone cleared their throat beside desk.

"I think not."

I turned and scowled.

_Guard._

"Demetri." It came out in a snarl.

He sighed. "What's your name?" Obviously bored.

"Edward Cullen."

Demetri's eyes widened slightly, and he froze. Swiftly, he regained some amount of control over himself and beckoned me forward.

"Aro will want to see you at once." He nodded at the woman, "Gianna, let nobody in until we have returned."

"Si, signor Demetri." Blood boiled beneath her cheeks, and she blinked fervently.

"Come." He nodded toward my rigid form.

The castle must have been large, but it took us seconds to reach the Volturi's gathering room. I breathed in tensely through my nose—musty with the distinct scent of blood. Venom flowed into my baked mouth. My hands were in fists at my sides, and I stopped, taut, in front of the wooden doors.

Demetri motioned to the handle.

I glared at him for one long moment, and then opened the door slowly. Slow angst boiled up inside of me as a wave of stagnated air flowed through the passage.


	4. Chapter 4

OK, so this feels like it is a little bit quicker than the last time, so hope this is good! I always feel like I don't write enough, so tell me if I don't! RxR, as always please! Thanks to all those supporting me as well! You guys are awesome!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following.

Chapter 4

The first thing I noticed was the smell. Rusty, old, and rancid air flowed around me, and was, altogether, very unpleasant. The high windows let little light from the dawn through, smothering the beams of yellowed light with dust motes. Three chairs sat at the end of the hall, and gradually, everything sloped downward to a manhole in the middle of the room. I didn't want to think about what that was for. But all this, so easily recognized, was pushed away when I looked ahead. For, ahead of me, was my demise. Three soulless monsters, draped in cloaks black as pitch, with skin like shale.

"Aro," I nodded to the front most figure, meeting his gaze coldly.

Silently, he waved his hands forward, with exaggerated grace, motioning for his brothers to stay behind. Footsteps echoed like hail in the open air, and slowly, he raised his hand, as if to shake mine.

"Please," his voice was a soft sighing.

I took his cold hand, colder than mine, and grasped it firmly. Aro's eyes drifted shut, and he did not move.

I gasped as I realized what was going on.

_Bella...Bella...cold on the ocean floor..._

My thoughts, dreams, horrors, and secrets flowed through my mind, and I could see what only he could see. My hand trembled in his, and I closed my eyes tightly.

_The meadow...the forest...Rosalie's contrite call..._

For what seemed like lifetimes, Aro stood and silently held my hand as he read my past, my present, and what I wanted of my future. Here and there, he shifted in answer to what he saw, whether it be happy or painful. Not once did he speak, or slacken his grip, but stood erect like a statue reading my life.

And then, he paused on one thing—Bella's face. Her humanly blush, clumsiness, and inability to grasp the social nature of others, and he felt how I felt about her, saw what I wanted for her. He paused, and then, he let go.

Caius and Marcus cleared their throats behind us.

"How interesting...Edward." He opened his eyes at the same time I did, and turned away abruptly, muttering to himself.

I flexed my hand, and crossed my arms in front of my chest out of habit. I tried to block out what he had brought force from the corners of my aged mind, but they kept reappearing, and I mentally winced, as though each one bore a burning torch for me.

"You have given me much to consider here, young one. What is it that you have come to ask us for? What is it that you do not already have, Edward?"

I stood at the lip of the manhole, and did not look up to him for a long moment. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know if he would give it. So many doubts, lies, and crushed hopes, that the idea of giving up presented itself to me. I shooed it away with violent rebuffs.

Sensing my cautious thoughts, Aro turned inaudibly and walked to his chair, sitting down.

"You are a very interesting one...surely; you follow the same morals that my friend, Carlisle does? How it still intrigues me, the lifestyle you carry on. Again, I wonder—what more can I give you, if you already have such fulfillment back home?"

I paused to gather myself and the strands of reasoning that still existed, and then met his gaze steadily.

"I ask for one thing, Aro. Too much of this world I have seen already, to know that it holds nothing else for me—not reason, not joy, not even desire to carry on much more. If there is nothing, then tell me, what is my existence? Why do I live, though my heart has stopped to many times, for too many reasons? You speak of my fulfillment, but what does that mean? Sustenance? A home? You think I can not want much more, that I must have everything. But there is one more thing my existence lacks; a love. One which I have lost, and will not find anywhere else from one end of Earth, to the next. And, if I can not have that, then I do and must ask for only one favor from you, Aro. I ask for death."

I stared ahead with calm intensity, searching for his thoughts, for his brother's thoughts. Breathing tensely through my nose, I waited for a solace.

Caius, clearing his throat, stood up, and clasped his hands in front of his stomach.

"Edward, young friend, you speak of so many things you lack, but not of the gifts that you have been granted. Tell me, why should we let such things go to waste when there is much potential for our family—for you?"

A growl rumbled in my chest, and my hands went taut, my body turning to granite. Joining was not an option, did nobody understand? If they did not intend to give me death, then I would force it upon their hands.

"Potential, Caius? Is that what you see here?" I spoke quietly, menacingly, "I, who have nothing to lose, because I have already lost much more than I have to gain, have latent gifts for _you_?"

Slow anger began to surge inside of me, turning the world red.

"Do you not see how dangerous I am? Does it not dawn upon you, Caius, what I am willing to do to be given an end?"

He smirked and chuckled in a way that vexed me even more.

"Such _ignorance_, Edward," he hissed.

Aro looked between us, and Marcus sat up in his chair minutely, deliberately changed his bored expression to one of immense power.

I felt like the tension should be visible between us.

Aro was the first one to speak.

"Let us not quarrel, friends," he nodded towards me, "Surely, there is a way to go about this...problem. Edward, you see no reason, no rhyme to life, but we must converse, my brothers and I. Do not think we will so lightly put an end to such a...profound existence. Think of what you have been offered by our family, and do not take it delicately; we do not always offer second chances for that sort of gift."

Did they not see that I did not take such a request lightly either?

"You speak of ignorance, Caius. Come, tell me then. Do you think I would ask such a heavy thing as death, if I were not to think over it first? I have my reasons, and your brother well knows of them. Do not take it lightly either, when I say I will go to no end to come to such a demise. Aro has given me your offer, and I give you my warning. Think as you will, and converse, but do not infer that I will not stop to achieve an end to my immortality."

I met each of their stares with a baleful grimace, and then stopped at Aro, waiting for their answer.

"I have had enough of these...these warnings for today, friends. Come, Caius...Marcus. We must mull over this dilemma with care."

He paused to get out of his throne, nonchalantly striding behind it, and halted to look back at me, his milky red eyes burning with a fervor that I could not comprehend.

"Return to us tomorrow, young one. By then, we will have made our final offer. Ponder, friend, and do not do anything rash—it would be such a waste. Until tomorrow, Mr. Cullen."

Slowly, in unison, they nodded their heads, and, grabbing the folds of their cloaks, trailed behind one grace another with a practiced grace into a dark passageway.

****

I stood in the corridor silently for a moment, and then snarled under my breath.

_Until tomorrow; to exist another day in madness._

"Edward,"

Demetri, now flanked by Felix, grabbed my wrist, and pushed me towards the door. I yanked free with the easiness of unclasping a bracelet, and strode carelessly back to the lobby. The bright florescent lights made no impact on my vision, and I ignored all the pleasantries still displayed for welcome guests, of which I was sure I was no longer one. Gianna, startled by my brusque entrance, gazed up at my enraged expression wordlessly, looking more like prey than ever, and stuttered out a farewell.

"C-C-Ciao, Signor!"

Without a pause, I flew out of the lobby, and down the halls, my strides like feathers drifting across the ground. I had to leave, I had to get out. There was no more dealing with life; life cheated you just when you though you had won, and I was done playing its game.

Sunlight shone like golden rain through the slanted windows, sending arcs of motley colors off of my bare arms.

_Edward...please. I love you._

Bella ran beside me, and sunlight rained off of her too.

_No! Stop! No...more...lies._

It caused me physical pain, this mirage that echoed my wants, no matter how selfish. This would never end, the deceit, the gut wrenching aches that love presented. There shouldn't be such a thing as love, it caused too much anguish, and too many dishonesties.

_Edward..._

By now I was under the city, able to stop, but unable to breathe. I did not need to, but I wanted and struggled to. My legs fell out from underneath me, and I wavered, collapsing onto the moist brick. I didn't deserve a heart, and definitely not a soul. I was a monster like no other. Carlisle's face appeared in my mind, and he smiled gently at me. It didn't matter how good he thought I was, no matter how decent he thought a disgrace like I could be. He had never, _ever_ felt such binding agony as I did now.

_Damn morality. _

No matter what my family thought, I knew there was no heaven for me now. How could there ever be such a thing? If the world was like this, why would you want to keep living after death? Who said heaven would be much better? What I wanted now was an all encompassing, silencing sleep. One that erased the memories and the pain from my head, because no matter how good they were, it wasn't worth what they were putting me through now. I had no future, and I had come to terms with that.

I thought back to the Volturi. Making such an offer as they had, one to join instead of die, I came to realize that they most likely did not intend to give me what I had asked of them—mercy from life. So I had to come up with a way to force their hand, and I would. The many rules for vampires in Volterra made it easy to find one to break, and I wanted one that would cause them to not even _doubt_ the decision to kill me. Exposure was obvious, but something that would disturb life as it was. It deserved a life-shattering intrusion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Sorry for not posting for like, months! I've had so much school work and sports stuff...well I've just been really busy! I hope you like this, I'm pretty pleased, but please please pretty please RxR! You can never get enough of those! (Plus I like to know what you guys think:D)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the following.**

**P.S. I saw Eclipse last night/this morning! Amazing!**

Chapter 5

Five hours had passed since Aro had given me his offering, and for five hours I had contemplated means of disturbing the crowded streets of Volterra. There was so much I was capable of ruining, the Volturi lay like clay in my granite hands. So many options...an eternity to ponder; I didn't foresee my will lasting that long. I must decide today. The possibility of hunting in the city was tempting, but instantly, my mind answered with a resounding _no_. I weighed the disadvantages heavily—massive innocent causalities my rueful conscience couldn't hold. Unleashing my demons, my eyes would turn a deep burgundy and I would lose all conscious reason. Not that it mattered. Not that there was anything I would lose that mattered as penance; my life would be an atonement to the Volturi. Yes, the thought of hunting was alluring indeed.

The monster buried in the depths of my stomach growled in elation.

Content with my reasoning, I paced back and forth throughout the passage. There was no reason to hurry, no official decision had been reached yet, and I wanted the Volturi to writhe in a sense of restlessness for a while. They needed to know I wouldn't give in to bargaining, or bribing, or threats. I was not going to bend or break for the sake of soulless evils. I held the upper hand—my own fate—and there was never going to be a way that they would force be to relinquish it, these demons.

Bella's face appeared in my mind of my own will, yet it still knocked the breath from my lungs and had me kneeling on the damp cobblestones. In my mind, she didn't judge the monster I was becoming. There was no hatred in her eyes, and no terrified grimace in her expression. I never had deserved her, and I realized now that a small part of me had taken her love for granted, because a minuscule part of me believed I had deserved at least an ounce of it, if not all. I knew now that I was wrong, then and now. Because Bella didn't deserve a monster. She didn't deserve a man who couldn't face himself in the mirror and not be afraid of what he saw there. Bella deserved so much better, yet she had chosen me. And I had broken her; her heart, her life, and her trust.

My chest tightened, with what I didn't know. The air that circled my deadly still form was to thin to breathe in, and my taut fingers clawed at the ground for support. I let myself fall back against the tunnel's wall, and pinched the bridge of my nose, willing her face to go away. Her soft expression and her accepting gaze drove me mad.

This would have to stop.

My throat burned with a mild hunger, and the monster that lived in me let out a low snarl.

I would not become that person; the fiend that haunted the corners of innocent's homes and stole their lives. There would be no hunt to win the Volturi's hand in my death.

I was back to square one, alone and troubled.

They were so easy to anger; I knew there must be another option still remaining. Throwing a car through a brick wall wasn't what I had in mind, but if it came to that, I wouldn't hesitate. There were so many things that set us apart from humans, but unless I was going to hunt or throw things, I couldn't come up with something that set apart that was relevant. I dug into the corners of my head for ideas; one conversation stood out above all the rest.

The day I had told her everything about us.

_We were in the car, and Bella was endlessly questioning me, curiosity burning fervently in her eyes where there should have been fear. This was wrong, and I knew that, but I wanted it, no matter how wrong it was. _

_ "It makes me...anxious to be away from you," the word wasn't strong enough to show her how I actually felt, but it would have to do, "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try to not fall in the ocean or get run over Thursday. I've been distracted all weekend, worrying about you, and after what happened tonight, I'm surprised you escaped totally unscathed...well not totally."_

Ah, this was after Port Angeles...and...dinner. A ghost of anger waved its way down my spine.

_"It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." _

_ Her face twisted in response to something to I had said. I suppose all the lies I had spun that she was only now beginning to see through. _

_ "Three days?" there was a distinct edge to her voice, "Didn't you just get back today?"_

_ "No, we got back Sunday." Her sharp tone puzzled me._

_ "Then why weren't you in school?" her endearing irritation was visible in the planes of her face. _

_ "Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see."_

Ah.

The sunlight.

It dawned upon me how thick I must have been to skip over that little detail in my notions of wreaking havoc.

To walk into the sunlight like that, in the middle of public, perhaps in the square of Volterra or under the clock, was the easiest way to defy the law, I now realized. Nobody would miss the way my bare skin shone under the sun's rays, like I was emitting the sun myself. A man made of not granite nor of flesh, but of pure crystal that shone like a clear pond. The entire city would know by nightfall, and the law would be broken; all hell would break lose if the humans found out the truth. That was what the Volturi did _not_ want, and I would happily give it to them.

The monster in my gut quieted into a dark nothing.

**I'll update ASAP! :D**


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